Regeneration

As I sat yesterday on the edge of my bed...
Boarded yet again upon a train of thought...
I let the silence engulf me...
I let it pour into me... I let it take me.
I sat alone.... awaiting sleep
All sound had been banished...
Banished out the door... I felt different.
I felt alone... I shivered...I smiled.

Then it happened.....The above was what I felt on the exterior...
My mind was a different story....I thought of a road I once walked upon...
I thought of a person I once met there....I thought of the impression that I had formed
I thought of the story that then transpired...It reminded me of an eclipse...
A long dark eclipse...A puzzling , intriguing eclipse.
What if your entire world were to be eclipsed with no room for light to shine through
What would you do then? And what would you do if you then realized that you preferred the darkness...
How would it make you feel if you found out that you were comfortable in a place devoid of light
What if this darkness were a dream that you looked forward to every time you closed your eyes...
What if you looked forward to waking up to this darkness every day of every year.
Then of course there comes a day when you realize that you miss the light...
And then the craving begins....
As comfortable or uncomfortable as you may be in a situation or a phase...
Change will find you.... It will hunt you down like prey...It will track you down..and corner you
You will find that you have no where to run....As sure as Death is a definite occurrence... so also is change
The difference is change will come at you again and again..and you don't have a choice but to face it...
And death of course comes only once...and the outcome again is no different..
We injure ourselves many times... and depending on the wound we heal or we don't.
Then my mind quickly gets distracted by something my sight probes to show me...
A lizard runs at an insect upon my ceiling... and he pauses for an instance.. vary of my presence
As if frozen in time he lies sprawled upon the ceiling as still as still can be...
My mind wanders... and again I think of injuries and wounds... and then I think of the lizard..
The lizard is a fabulous creature... cut his tail off and he'll grow it right back.
But the new tail does not include all of the tissues and structures of the original one....
Fascinating... so then I trail off again... I connect the dots so to speak...I think we all break bits and pieces of us in our respective journeys..sometimes we reattach ourselves quickly..we improvise..we adapt...
but sometimes we break things that cannot heal....


Then again we are vastly unique... some of us heal faster..
Some of us break easy... some of us persevere ...
Its how we handle the darkness.. Its how we face it...that determines our rate of regeneration
Do we let the darkness swallow us completely , become a part of us?
Or do we then remember light... remember its glow, remember its warmth and then chase after it again...?
We can wait to grow our limbs one by one...
We can wait and see our skin shed the dead skin...
We can wait for the old to make way for the new....
Or we can all accept that Regeneration is possible at will.
Why wait for miracles... why blame fate?
Why wait for time to heal us?... why wait at all.

I crave the light... I woke up to it today...
It burnt my skin... It warmed by body...
I think I've overcome a big part of the darkness...
I think I let light in...I think there is a balance
There will be other forms of darkness that will come at me...
But I think I can store some light in my soul... as collateral
So when change finds me again....
I'll be ready for it.

My thoughts are suddenly interrupted ...
I hear music in the distance.... familiar music...that reminds me of the time in darkness.
See the thing about music...its uncanny ability to take you back in time to happy or sad instances makes it extremely powerful
It distracts me... Then I realize that, that emptiness.. that sick feeling has disappeared
This music doesn't seem to affect me like it used to... and now strangely I seem to enjoy it again...

I think for now the light's come through for me...
I think I've regenerated ... Not as good as new... but good enough..


And by the way .........I think my heart is whole again....