Curtain Call.

A strange determination fills me.

Something happened today, something stirred.

I woke up the same way, But I don't think I woke up the same.

Sometimes it doesn't take a life altering experience to change you.

I think the tiniest , uneventful , unlikely variable can stir you. Move you.

Its something I haven't felt before. A weird determination that came out of no where.

I have a feeling its going to stay.

A list of things to do and accomplish has magnificently formed in order.

They're all difficult to achieve, but then I've come to realize that everything worth achieving is difficult.

I'm not saying that I can and will achieve all those things, however I sure hope I do.

Not for anyone else's sake, but for me.

I think its time to lay the fantasy and the drama to a rest.

I think its time I saw the bigger picture

Im going for it. No looking back.

I'm going for it with everything that I have and everything that I am.

I know I have a lot to offer, even if there are no takers yet.

Im going to change all that and more.

Sometimes all you need is a little pep talk from yourself.

May be my WORLD isn't as WARPED  any more.

I am the God of my Universe.

I am time.

I am energy.

I'm a boy looking at a world... a warped world

trying to make sense of it all.

I'm a man waiting to be heard.

Like I once said before 'Make your own Destiny, Screw Fate'.

I think Its time.

Thank You for listening and reading

Curtain Call.

I'm Ready.

Something worthy of December.

Magic.
Its what is lacking in the world. Well at least in mine .
Ever wake up one day and wonder what happened to the year?
How did it just whizz by?
Thought I had all the time in the world.

It sneaks up on you. Time.
The greatest coward I've known
Never stays a moment. Pfft. Time.
Time just took the year hostage and killed it without so much as a ransom note.
The year just died.

So the year.. well lets see. Had my ups and downs.
Just like any other year. A regular roller coaster.
Made a lot of wonderful friends...only to say goodbye.
Wish I had more time, to live in the happy cocoon they built around me.
Sigh.Tragedy.

Tragedy is realizing that for me education is almost over.
My last few hurdles in the academic path.
I enjoyed my education.
It helped me understand.
Helped me become aware.
When they say 'we don't need no education',
clearly they are satisfied being another brick in the wall.

Wall. Something I never managed to bring down.
Stays up there like Fort Knox.
Keeping me out. Successfully.
Sometimes I wonder, May be if I just look the other way...
And run in that opposite direction..
Perhaps it would become non-existent.

Non-existent. Its what this year will be. Soon enough.
I hear the world is coming to an end.
In a couple of years.
So what now? Put my affairs in order?
Ha. Clearly the marketing of a popular recent movie on Armageddon was exceptionally successful.
Such a hue and cry about the world ending. A world where billionaires and politicians survive
because they have enough money and power to float boats that will sail to Mt. Everest .
Only in a movie.

Movie... the last one I saw involved a triangular love story
where two out of the three protagonists are supernatural by nature
Of course these two are quite the rage with the female population
FYI this movie was not just made out of a hat.
Its based on a popular book series.
Has almost every girl smitten.

Smitten is what I have been for a nauseatingly long time.
Smitten with an idea.
Smitten with fantasy.
Smitten with idealism.
Smitten with unhappy endings and the thought of it changing tide the last moment...
For the happily ever after.
This thought. This thought in my head reproduces into multiple thoughts.

Thoughts. Well self explanatory.
Filled with them. Think I'l explode
I wonder if my brain has the power of retention.
For all the bombarding.
Thoughts being flung into it by trebuchets .
My Imagination flourishes only with my reality's demise.

Demise. This word is feared.
This word signifies end.
Demise - Termination.
But why doesn't anyone look at demise as the chance for a new beginning.
The Demise of 2009. The beginning of 2010.

Beginning. Well that remains to be seen.

Merry Christmas. A happy new Beginning.

The Blinding light of day reminds some of darkness

On some days waking up is the hardest part of the day...and the funny thing is lack of sleep has nothing to do with it....

On some days The Blinding light of day reminds some of darkness
On such days the power of light is futile
Its speed irrelevant
Its intensity minuscule

On some days waking up is a labor
A task, the very first one.
Do you have the energy to continue?
When your unscripted dreams seem more appealing.

On some days you just want to go back to sleep
Not because you need it, because you want it

On some days waking up is the hardest part of the day...and the funny thing is lack of sleep has nothing to do with it....

Writer boy does a show, more often than he'd like.
Fin.

John

So listen up. Ok read, you know what I mean
I have a problem, there's this guy in my head who mocks everything I do.
He's arrogant, stubborn and relentless.
Every time I'm a little droopy, he says 'boo hoo' so you think you have the worst problems in the world?
I say to him 'take a hike buddy, this doesn't concern you.
He smirks and says , of course it does.

So for fucks sake lets call this guy 'JOHN'.
John's a relentless douche bag know it all.
Arggg Annoying idealist sitting on a pedestal.
A leech.

John's the kinda guy who's always in your head
questioning your every move, mocking your groove.
He's unsatisfied and an idealist.
Well actually saying that he's an idealist should make the unsatisfied thing self-explanatory.
John's a fucking retard who doesn't know its wrong to pry .

He's always looking in from the outside.
In his world there's good and bad
right and wrong
black and white
There's just no room for Grey.

I'm all about the Grey.
Struggling to get it right.
Make the whole drama thing work out.
I'm the stage actor, messing up my lines on show day.
Quivering in front of the audience
Not John!. Certainly not John.
John's pro. John is Hollywood.
John is mayor of Tinsel town.
John is the hero.

I'm the stunt double.
Fuck John.
He shows up, I take the fall.
I bruise. He gets the glory
He gets the drama.
I get reality.
I don't get a re-take.

Everyone loves John.
I hate John.
John is what I see in the mirror.
Or may be John sees me.
I don't know.
But John knows. Of course he does.

Fucking schizo... he blurts.
"Says you" I say.

One thing I can't deny, John help's me face the world.
But its John's world that I'm facing.
What about my world?

John smirks and says the world's not ready for you, or may be you aren't ready for the world
"These are my people. This is my story. This my house.
Where are you?
who are you?
where are your people?" he asks inquiring with a grin that makes me want to hurl .

John becomes silent.
The conversation is over. As usual , with a question.

He always leaves me thinking, wondering.

Where is my house?
Is this my story?

Where are my people?

I and Love and You

Load the car and write the note
Grab your bag and grab your coat
Tell the ones that need to know
We are headed north

One foot in and one foot back
But it don't pay, to live like that
So i cut the ties and i jumped the tracks
For never to return

Ah Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in
Are you aware the shape I'm in
My hands they shake my head it spins
Ah Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in

When at first I learned to speak
I used all my words to fight
With him and her and you and me
Oh but its just a waste of time
Yeah its such a waste of time

That woman shes got eyes that shine
Like a pair of stolen polished dimes
She asked to dance I said it's fine
I'll see you in the morning time

Ah Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in
Are you aware the shape im in
My hands they shake my head it spins
Ah Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in

Three words that became hard to say
I and love and you
What you were then, I am today
Look at the things I do

Ah Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in
Are you aware the shape I'm in
My hands they shake my head it spins
Ah Brooklyn Brooklyn take me in

Dumbed down and numbed by time and age
Your dreams to catch the world, the cage
The highway sets the travelers stage
All exits look the same

Three words that became hard to say
I and love and you..............

Thank you- Avett Brothers

What would I do?

Touching base... I must confess the last 8 odd years have been a loop.
A loop of good , bad and ugly and surprisingly poetic.
Round and round I go. A tired reel with pictures and a story.
Forever seeking , hoping , hiding and praying.
Caring about them , crying for acceptance.
Pleading for love and performing at a circus with the most obnoxiously loud clothes.
I think its come to a standstill. I knew this year would be about change.
I just knew. It hasn't disappointed thus far. A lot happened thus far. To me, to the world
I once wrote about a juggernaut breaking through walls.
I don't think I need him anymore.
I suppose I'm saying that I think I can find the door now. So the need for bursting through walls is unnecessary and obsolete.
So also is a lot that stood important at one point.

On so many occasions when I'm overwhelmed with emotion..I often ask myself what would the sane, practical me do?... what would the sane , practical side of me advice another to do?
It is seldom that the one's who preach , end up following their own advice.
So I ask myself why the hell not? Lets give it a shot. Let me follow my own advice.
I know what I would tell another....
It's just the perfect time to listen to the rational and selfish side of me.

There's no black or white
right or wrong
There's just me and the world
Simple.

What would I do?
Live life on my terms, work towards the dream , protect my loved one's
Be happy.
Walk unto the wilderness , post gravity
Open the exit door... and not care to look back anymore.

What would I do?
I'd start afresh.
Begin once more...

So be it.

Beginning.

Ascension

May be I'm supposed to just work my way to a happy light.

May Be if i dream and scream and tear and pull, I'll arrive.

May be I am all that I need.

May be everything happens for a reason.

May be I'm a good enough reason.

For Me and No one else.